Me: Just got out of the shower and put all the goop in my hair, but I really don’t wanna do it.

Hex: But it’s a matter of interplanetary importance! If you don’t do your hair, we don’t need to worry about 2012. The world will end today!

Me: Heh. You realize I do my hair very rarely these days, since the buyer’s-remorse haircut. It’s too short.

Hex: No wonder there are all these “natural” disasters. It’s all your fault!

Me: Wait a minute. You know, the miners DID get trapped around the time I decided I wanted to cut my hair.

Hex: Yep. I know. So? Stop fucking with the natural order!

Me: Well, come on! If someone would just pay me to do so, I’d have really hot fucking hair every day!

Hex: Since you pay me in baked goods, I’m not exactly rolling in dough.

(Get it? Dough? AHHH, I slay me!)

Hex: But you could always hold world governments hostage, you know. “Oh, you don’t want earthquakes and tornadoes and disaster? Then pay me. I’ll do my hair and we’ll all be fine. If you don’t? Hope you like Armageddon, motherfuckers!”

Me: Hmmm. I think I underbaked-goods you.

Hex: We both know it could work. And start with places that are way poor. Then? The richer countries see you’re not screwing around.

Me: Ohhh! Because Libya would TOTALLY go for that! Hell, they wanna send me money from my dead British relatives all the time!

Hex: I mean, you give a place like Somalia protection from nature’s wrath? Dubai’s gonna step up quick.

Me: Man, I picked a good geek. Hex? I believe you may have just written tonight’s post.

Hex: Just don’t discount the potential for earning cash monies. Which, if you get some, you need to share with yours truly. You can keep any cattle that countries may pay you in.

Me: So generous.

pretty sure i fucked up the equation, but somehow my hair leads to world domination -- or armageddon.