which was wonderful. extra love to steph for planning it and wet, sloppy kisses to sally, kit, travis, jason, j.d., kazz & robbie for coming out.
you people make me happy.
now, go read this, because it is funny.
Tag Archives: birthday!
In which Mer turns 27. #MerDay
Well. It happened. You’ve ostensibly been anticipating it since exactly 37 days ago, when this post appeared. But now?
It is time. Mer’s birthday time, to be specific.
Courtesy of the internet. This is what a birthday is.
“So. It’s Mer’s birthday. So what?”, you say, derisively. “I’ve seen people have birthdays before. They’re not exciting. They’re boring because they aren’t mine! Why should I care?!?!”
Mer’s birthday is much more than an annual flaunting of numbers and loot (or AFONAL). It is a ritual. A celebration. A holiday all its own. It is called Mer Day. Or, #MerDay if you’re on Twitter. It is like a second, early, prologue-type Christmas, where only one person recieves gifts. Mer.
How does one celebrate Mer Day? Mer’s companion @EdgeOf30 will tell you.
- On #MerDay all of your sins against food are forgiven. Not forgiven? Sins against cheez sauce, though.
- On #MerDay santa and the easter bunny have a wild orgy that involves entirely too much foie gras.
- On #MerDay groundhogs declare 6 more weeks of #nopants, no matter what.
- On #MerDay the use of pronouns and the final-letter “y” are discouraged from being used. Is Verr Fun.
- On #MerDay, the baby Jesus is all, “Mer? whoa, now THERE’S a miracle.”
- On #MerDay in Canada, #MerDay is a week long parade, with no stopping.
- On #MerDay is the only day where you can see a unicorn at night. The reason? It’s bringing Mer a present.
- On #MerDay tweens the world over discover the wonders of masturbation, all at the same time.
If one had to pick an adjective for today, it’d be “Jubilant or GTFO”.
And now, because I have literally no ideas left, a picture of the tiara I made Mer today in honor of her birthday.
It reads "Mer is Crazy Awesome" which is 100% true.
And finally, I’ve just gotta say it:
If you don’t leave Mer a “happy birthday” comment/reblog/etc I will come through the internet and guilt you so hard your mind will spin.
Happy birthday, Mer. We all love you.
This is called pandering, because HOLY FUCK IT’S A 24K GOLD VIBRATOR.
Daddy, there is no reason for you to read this post. Please go ‘way.
Y’all, one of my favorite tweeps, Sandy of ToyWithMe (a purveyor of pretty damn fabulous sex toy reviews), is hosting a little giveaway with Jimmyjane for a 24k gold vibrator. A Jimmyjane Little Gold, if you will.
I know, you’re wondering why someone would need a vibe that is 24k gold.
The answer, OF COURSE, is so you can scream from the rooftops, “I HAVE A 24K GOLD VIBRATOR!”
it's a vibrator and it's gold.
And ooooohhhh, I want one.
Maybe there are better reasons, but I can’t think of a damn one. IT’S GOLD, PEOPLE.
Oh, wait! Excellent reason! Today is my birthday. SO THERE.
So I’d suggest you go on over there yourself and enter, but really, I’d rather you didn’t. This sucker is for me.
seriously, daddy, go away. NOTHING TO SEE HERE.
Fabulously ridiculous drawing by JC Little – The Animated Woman, and @LittleAnimation on le tweet!
In which I begin to prepare you for the most important day of the year.
People, it has come to my attention that the most important date of the year is a mere 37 days away.
Yes, I know you’d prefer a full six weeks to prepare, but you’ll just have to hustle, now won’t you.
Indeed, the anniversary of the 27th year since my arrival in this great time falls on the middle day of the month before us.
And you’re all getting me presents. Remember, I like green, daisies and grapefruit. Also, expensive kitchen knives, the letter M, baskets and myself.
And because I am as magnanimous and helpful as we all know I am, I have begun a sort of gift guide for you. This is post number one of lord knows how many, because I like a lot of things, a lot.
Today, I picked squishy things. Because they’re squishy and that is fun, obviously.
Also, I feel throw pillows should do more than just look good; they should help you remember important things that you always forget because your brain is falling apart and your memory’s going first. I mean, hypothetically.
Like this one, for example. You might think this little number, found in alexandraferguson’s etsy shop, is just a handy maxim, like a modern-day sampler.
I say it’s much more, indeed, like a mantra or life slogan. Yep, I’mma adopt it for my calling cards riiiiiiiiiight now.
short, sweet, pithy -- it's like a pillow version of me!
Aaaaaand I feel similarly about the following pillows that I can’t steal photos from UncommonGoods (GUY, I’M TRYING TO SEND YOU BUSINESS HERE) like the chalkboard bird pillow, on which I could write shit down to remember (I’m growing up!), the science project pillows, for my immediate anatomical-question needs, the continent pillows, because come on, geography, dude!, and the alphabet pillow, just in case.
To recap: My birthday is December 16th. There will be much rejoicing. You should buy me presents, and then shots.
With that, and a lortab, this egomaniac’s out for the night.