In which I rail against technology, (kind of) break my only promise & threaten to move North.

Today, my loves, magic happened. The ULTA fairy arrives on wings dusted in the latest fall colors, full of shimmer, shine and fruity lip gloss.

oh em eff gee package must open now squeeeee

oh em eff gee package must open now squeeeee

We all know how I feel about lip gloss.

Despite my whiny, sick afternoon, I knew I wasn’t too seriously ill, as my desire to open the package immediately was stronger than the desire to curl back up into a feverish ball in bed.

Magically (read: by way of purchasing online & waiting for delivery), in that beautiful box were two fabulously new hair tools, both of which, oddly enough, look like scary sex toys.

AND THAT’S WHERE MY STORY FUCKING ENDS.

Because the camera — the brand new camera — has decided to be an asshole. It has not yet presented me with its demands for ransom, but that’s all in good time, because I know — I KNOW — it has taken my photos hostage.

The hours I spent! Slaving over my hair! Playing with these new toys! Photographing myself with awkward faces! Achieving ridiculocurly somewhat scary hair! Annoying my mother! Ok, that one was a perk. But still! I BURNED MY FINGER FOR THIS.

LOST. ALL LOST.

Ok, maybe not all lost? but lost for now. Because the camera is a douchecanoe.

All this boils down to a new desire: wanting to write a post lambasting technology, which will lead invariably to a Kids-These-Days! rant, followed closely by a recounting of my childhood, in which walking up hill both ways barefoot to and from work at age 7 in the snow will feature prominently.

But I’ll spare you that one. This time. You’re welcome.

So then I think, you know what I need? OBVIOUSLY I need to move nearer to @HexingThoughts, my resident geek. (Y’all, she works for baked goods. It’s the best arrangement ever. Kisses, Hex!)

But the prospect of moving TO THE NORTH is, itself, FUCKING RIDICULOUS. Because it is the North. Where it is cold. Often.

I’m not sure I can adequately explain my inability to deal with the cold for any period of time over, say, three days.

Shut up. I don’t always have too much to say. I so don’t.

Let’s just move along, assuming you understand just exactly how much I hate the cold, pretending I’ve explained it in any way that makes sense.

And now that we’re here? I’m officially copping out. Breaking the only promise I’ve made to myself here, which is to post every day. Ok, maybe this is a post. I suppose. And I’m wearing lip gloss.

Ok, ok, it counts. Yeesh, settle down.

That said, I will not let the terrorists win here, and I will get those damn photos. Tomorrow is a brand new day, Asshole Camera, and I will win this war.

you win *this* round, camera.

::ANGRY WARRIOR YELL::

Ahem. Goodnight.

  • http://thoughtsfromthehexzone.blogspot.com HexingThoughts

    This is so totally a post and you know it. It’s not your planned post, but hey, if you’d get over your intense dislike of the cold, I could have had those photos released from their captivity in no time flat. And then you would have had your planned post.

    But hey, this? Not really a copout. Just a lack of finding other geeks that will work for baked goods.

    • http://ohthatmeredith.com Meredith

      YOU GUYS! get to know this chick. SO worth it. like the devil on my shoulder, but useful & funny, too. (also, she’s cute, but she’ll never admit it. just sayin’.)

  • http://thoughtsfromthehexzone.blogspot.com HexingThoughts

    This is so totally a post and you know it. It’s not your planned post, but hey, if you’d get over your intense dislike of the cold, I could have had those photos released from their captivity in no time flat. And then you would have had your planned post.

    But hey, this? Not really a copout. Just a lack of finding other geeks that will work for baked goods.

    • http://ohthatmeredith.com Meredith

      YOU GUYS! get to know this chick. SO worth it. like the devil on my shoulder, but useful & funny, too. (also, she’s cute, but she’ll never admit it. just sayin’.)

  • http://www.mfamama.typepad.com MFA Mama

    Okay this post made me <3 you for life. Technology thwarts me ALL THE TIME. I even have a category on my blog called "technology hates me," because it so TOTALLY does. I think you're the first person I've ever read who can muster the same kind of outrage over that. We're like the saddest soul-sisters ever.

    • http://ohthatmeredith.com Meredith

      we so are. fuck technology. <3

  • http://www.mfamama.typepad.com MFA Mama

    Okay this post made me <3 you for life. Technology thwarts me ALL THE TIME. I even have a category on my blog called "technology hates me," because it so TOTALLY does. I think you're the first person I've ever read who can muster the same kind of outrage over that. We're like the saddest soul-sisters ever.

    • http://ohthatmeredith.com Meredith

      we so are. fuck technology. <3

  • http://midwesternmamah.blogspot.com/ Holly B

    Come to the north the end of October. Might be a little chilly.. but the colors! OMG – the colors are breathtaking. You can stay with me…… I’ll show ya all around Hooterville!!

    • http://ohthatmeredith.com Meredith

      that’s my favorite time of year — if i stuff myself into a box with some airholes, you’ll spring for shipping, right?

  • http://midwesternmamah.blogspot.com/ Holly B

    Come to the north the end of October. Might be a little chilly.. but the colors! OMG – the colors are breathtaking. You can stay with me…… I’ll show ya all around Hooterville!!

    • http://ohthatmeredith.com Meredith

      that’s my favorite time of year — if i stuff myself into a box with some airholes, you’ll spring for shipping, right?

  • http://midwesternmamah.blogspot.com/ Holly B

    We have LIP GLOSS TOO!!

    • http://ohthatmeredith.com Meredith

      whew.

  • http://midwesternmamah.blogspot.com/ Holly B

    We have LIP GLOSS TOO!!

    • http://ohthatmeredith.com Meredith

      whew.

  • http://www.guiltysquid.com GuiltySquid

    Well, clearly your camera is being an asshole and doesn’t know that there are *other* cameras out there that could be had.

    Oh, it’s true. It’s true, little bastardy camera.

    Don’t MAKE MER get another camera.

    It could SO happen.

    Remember what happened to the old 35mm film cameras? Exactly, bastard camera. NO ONE DOES.

    • http://ohthatmeredith.com Meredith

      it so could happen, you little fucker. listen to my hero, ok? bitch knows.

  • http://www.guiltysquid.com GuiltySquid

    Well, clearly your camera is being an asshole and doesn’t know that there are *other* cameras out there that could be had.

    Oh, it’s true. It’s true, little bastardy camera.

    Don’t MAKE MER get another camera.

    It could SO happen.

    Remember what happened to the old 35mm film cameras? Exactly, bastard camera. NO ONE DOES.

    • http://ohthatmeredith.com Meredith

      it so could happen, you little fucker. listen to my hero, ok? bitch knows.

  • http://www.extremeparenthood.com Sunday

    This most definitely qualifies as a post. In fact, its at least 150% better than most of the posts I attempt to write 2-3 times a week.

    I do hope your camera makes its demands known sooner rather than later so that we can see your BEAutiful hair!

    • http://ohthatmeredith.com Meredith

      stand back — this ego needs more room.

      <3 <3

  • http://www.extremeparenthood.com Sunday

    This most definitely qualifies as a post. In fact, its at least 150% better than most of the posts I attempt to write 2-3 times a week.

    I do hope your camera makes its demands known sooner rather than later so that we can see your BEAutiful hair!

    • http://ohthatmeredith.com Meredith

      stand back — this ego needs more room.

      <3 <3

  • http://www.thesuniverse.blogspot.com Suniverse

    That’s more of a post than most of my posts.

    I strongly believe that technology is the devil. Seriously. It’ll suck you in with its pretty pretty and then when it’s got its hooks into you, BAM SPLAT BURN, you are dead. Or technologically dead. Same thing.

    • http://ohthatmeredith.com Meredith

      BAM SPLAT BURN, indeed! you always know what to say.

  • http://www.thesuniverse.blogspot.com Suniverse

    That’s more of a post than most of my posts.

    I strongly believe that technology is the devil. Seriously. It’ll suck you in with its pretty pretty and then when it’s got its hooks into you, BAM SPLAT BURN, you are dead. Or technologically dead. Same thing.

    • http://ohthatmeredith.com Meredith

      BAM SPLAT BURN, indeed! you always know what to say.

  • http://overthinkingmama.com sarah-overthinking mama

    yea.. move north… me and holly can show you amish country… you can use my camera to take pics… it will make for a great blog post! :-)

    suck about your camera… great post anyway! :-)

    • http://ohthatmeredith.com Meredith

      oooh, amish country! best bread ever. spent a new years w a friend in allentown / wescosville / bethlehem, PA. christmas putz — still can’t stop laughing over that word.

  • http://overthinkingmama.com sarah-overthinking mama

    yea.. move north… me and holly can show you amish country… you can use my camera to take pics… it will make for a great blog post! :-)

    suck about your camera… great post anyway! :-)

    • http://ohthatmeredith.com Meredith

      oooh, amish country! best bread ever. spent a new years w a friend in allentown / wescosville / bethlehem, PA. christmas putz — still can’t stop laughing over that word.

  • http://Kazzrocksmyfaceoff.org Evil Cheshire Cat-like Trolly

    *AHCHEM*

    - lemme come see your camera. i’ll see if i can fix it.

    - I work for foods too.. I just suck with computers

    - you can’t leave. if you leave, who’ll feed me? and who’ll come pick at your food before its cooked? and who’ll harass the shit out of Keba by chewing food and staring her in the face and saying “OH MY GOD, DOG, THIS IS SO GOOD!” and who will cackle hysterically at you when you grab the neck of a pheasant to catch it from falling off my head and then spazz out and run away like its going to eat you? and who’s gonna take over your kitchen for the purpose of making hooch? And, and, and, and, and… WHO’S GONNA RANDOMLY GRAB YOUR BOOBS WHILE YOU HAVE RAW CHICKEN ON YOUR HANDS JUST BECAUSE?!

    - and finally…. if you leave…. how will I get you your JACKALOPE? HUH???

    SOMEBODY has to take care of these things.

    • http://ohthatmeredith.com Meredith

      face, meet palm.

      and yeah, i so can’t leave.

      • margot

        Q: can Evil-Cheshire-Cat-like-Trolly-Neighbor-Friend also come to the airport? i suddenly have an overwhelming desire to meet this person :)

        • http://ohthatmeredith.com Meredith

          What day is the 29th? If she isn’t working, I’ll totally drag her down there. Even if it means I have to share you.

  • http://Kazzrocksmyfaceoff.org Evil Cheshire Cat-like Trolly Neighbor Friend

    *AHCHEM*

    - lemme come see your camera. i’ll see if i can fix it.

    - I work for foods too.. I just suck with computers

    - you can’t leave. if you leave, who’ll feed me? and who’ll come pick at your food before its cooked? and who’ll harass the shit out of Keba by chewing food and staring her in the face and saying “OH MY GOD, DOG, THIS IS SO GOOD!” and who will cackle hysterically at you when you grab the neck of a pheasant to catch it from falling off my head and then spazz out and run away like its going to eat you? and who’s gonna take over your kitchen for the purpose of making hooch? And, and, and, and, and… WHO’S GONNA RANDOMLY GRAB YOUR BOOBS WHILE YOU HAVE RAW CHICKEN ON YOUR HANDS JUST BECAUSE?!

    - and finally…. if you leave…. how will I get you your JACKALOPE? HUH???

    SOMEBODY has to take care of these things.

    • http://ohthatmeredith.com Meredith

      face, meet palm.

      and yeah, i so can’t leave.

      • margot

        Q: can Evil-Cheshire-Cat-like-Trolly-Neighbor-Friend also come to the airport? i suddenly have an overwhelming desire to meet this person :)

        • http://ohthatmeredith.com Meredith

          What day is the 29th? If she isn’t working, I’ll totally drag her down there. Even if it means I have to share you.

  • http://www.crazywithasideofawesomesauce.blogspot.com andygirl

    I imagined your warrior yell as an Amazon woman-type shriek. it was glorious.

    • http://ohthatmeredith.com Meredith

      in my imagination, i’m 6’2 and glorious as well. you imagine correctly.

  • http://www.crazywithasideofawesomesauce.blogspot.com andygirl

    I imagined your warrior yell as an Amazon woman-type shriek. it was glorious.

    • http://ohthatmeredith.com Meredith

      in my imagination, i’m 6’2 and glorious as well. you imagine correctly.

  • Pingback: In which we celebrate my first full month o’ blogging. : oh, THAT meredith: all the mer that's fit to print.