as a yankee (in the American sense), for Christmas Eve dinner, I made fresh pizza. as a member of a snobby generation, the pizza included (but was not limited to) sauteed shallots, stinky cheese and pesto made and frozen this past summer from basil from the garden.

as a Southerner, I served fresh sausage gravy over hot butter biscuits with Jimmy Dean’s Hot Sausage — my fave — whipped eggs and fried up a little leftover ham for brunch today.

as a good Jewy McJewerstein, today for Christmas dinner I made crab rangoon with sweet & sour sauce, pork dumplings with ponzu and scallion pancakes.

as a pathetic excuse for a shell of a headachy person, I didn’t get to the mi fun before my back and feet mutinied, so we’ll just pretend that never happened.

as an invalid, I may now sleep for the next six weeks, after all that standing and cooking, bruised coccyx and all.

as a 12-year-old boy at heart, that word will never not be funny.